Hey Webmasters! New Photo Album Service Launched - Check it out!
"Lift up your heads, O ye gates; and be ye lift up, ye everlasting doors; and the King of glory shall come in." -Psalm 24:7
"But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint." -Isaiah 40:31
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11
"'Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.'" -Jeremiah 33:3
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written:
"But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD." -Joshua 24:15
It is beautiful to be loved my by Yahweh.
Wonderful, Glorious, Holy, and Righteous
Victorious, Conqueror, Triumphant, and Mighty.
Healer, Deliverer, Shield, and Defense
Strong Tower and My Best Friend
Omnipotent, Omnipresent, Soon Coming King
Alpha Omega, Lord of Everything
Holy is Your name.
. Tell me how you're doing! *hugs* 
Love you Erika, When everthing has you down look up. Look up for your redemption is drawing near, it is closer than when you started out upon this Journey. God has a Plan for you and he will never leave you or lose his focus. Love you Girl. big hugs. 
19- scariness! lol, thanx for coming by my journal- I've really been needing the encouragement... I'm thinking of applying for a job at macy's and quitting my job at the thrift store 
!!! We'll see 
... have a wonderful birthday!!!!! ... glad that things are going well! Still praying for you lotz and lotz. Really appreciate your prayers right now- things haven't been so great 
. You can check out my latest entry if you'd like- kinda got steamrolled . Love you lotz! Talk to you soon!!! 
So, um, I just got spanked by God.
No, I am not kidding.
You know those 'I love you so this is how it's going to be.' lectures that we get from God every so often? Yeah, I just got one of those.
I was talking to my aunt about a conversation she had with my sister earlier this morning. Before they hung up my sister said, "Jerry says he loves you and hello." My aunt responded with, "Tell him I said hi."
None of the family are really too fond of Jerry. He's abusive. He's a jerk. He's a drug-addict. He basically needs a lot of prayer.
I told my aunt, "Well, why didn't you tell him you love him back?". She said it was because she didn't love him. I told her that she had to love because the Bible said, so I quoted her the scripture where Jesus says something like, "How can you love me who you have not seen if you cannot love your brother who you have seen?"
She kind of sighed because she knew I was right. I was preaching too myself too.
So, then she asked if I did love him. I told her that I loved him in the Lord, which was just enough to get by. Then it happened.
I got spanked.
God immediatly said to me, "So, you love him in me, because that's just enough to get by? My love is just enough to get by?"
My first thoughts are, "Uh-oh, what have I done?" Then I immediatly apologized to God, and now I have to make sure that my heart gets turned into the heart of God.
I have to love like He loves. So, even though many people hurt him and hurt those that He loves, He still loves them the same and forgives them nonetheless.
Fleshly Erika is not happy at all. I don't even know if my spirit is happy about this, but I have to do this. I have to. It's all there in black and white, God's word. I have to.
"Love your enemies."
Ugh, why doesn't the Bible say how much you have to love your enemies?
Oh wait, nevermind, it does.
It speaks of God's unfailing love and says love as your Father in Heaven loves.
Grr
Grr
Grr
Yay for another battle. This may be the hardest one I've ever faced. Mucho prayers needed.
I've tried to wrap my mind around the thought of You. I stretched myself so far I nearly came unglued. You hold the universe inside Your hands. Still You thought of me. I can't believe.
Is there no limit to Your love for me as shallow as this selfish heart can be? You are the maker of reality, and I stand in awe. You are God.
Who am I to understand Your ways?
Who am I to give you anything but praise?
Who am to to try and solve the mystery behind the heart and soul of all that I believe.
Who am I?
You're every reason for my heart to hope, Creator of the things I've yet to know. You are the river for my thirsty soul. You are my desire. You are God.
I am Your child.
I will follow.
Who am I?
You gave Your life for my tomorrow.
I've gone on a thinking binge. This is not good. Thinking has the tendency to stress me out depending on what I'm thinking about, of course. This just happens to be one of those times.
College is taking a toll on me. I finally figured out what I wanted to major in. Now I just can't figure out everything else, and it's really starting to bug me.
I need to get my car fixed. I need a job. The car has to be fixed so I can get a job. I actually gave up on the job hunt. There's no point in applying anywhere until I have reliable transportation. My brother is supposed to fix my car this weekend. I'm praying my sister takes it to him so I don't have to. It's like 3 hours away, and I'm so sick of driving and traveling. I was in the car for like 8 hours this past Sunday alone.
I can't go to college unless I have a job. I can't have a job unless I have a car. See my dilema?
I don't neccessarily need the job to pay for college. That's what financial aid is for. What I need the job for is to pay for gas. $2.50 a gallon isn't exactly cheap. I miss the days when it was $0.98 a gallon. Oh, how I long for those times. It wouldn't be so bad if the school wasn't 30 miles away. I know that's no so bad, and it could be worse seeing as Jenni drives about 45 miles to school every day.
My problems are minor compared to what they could be. I know this and I'm grateful that God is mindful. I'm truly blessed. In knowing all of this I still can't help but what all of this resolved.
I found out that I have to take a stupid test to get accepted into the actual college. Pardon me while I scream. I hate tests. I could take notes, write papers, do worksheets, etc. forever, but when it comes to tests my brain decides to go off into left-field somewhere. I guess I sort of freak out when it comes to tests just because I know that they ARE a big deal. Failure is not an option for me. It never has been, probably because my family has never let it be. If I fail I have to hear it from them, so I'll beat myself up over it forever. Stupid stupid tests.
This means I'll be studying from here on out through all eternity. Honestly, I don't understand algebra and I probably never will. I have a feeling I'll end up taking developmental algebra. I'm so taking Tommy Thompson's class. At least he'll pass me if I make an effort to try and understand it.
And now here comes the ranting and raving. Of course, that's what happens when "algebra" and "Erika" are used in the same context.
1-2-3
OKAY, WHY do we even need algebra?! Why? No one really understands it. No one really needs it. It's just a bunch of mumbo-jumbo created to make people feel stupid when we don't understand it. Every equation has a different way of working itsself out than the last one.
Frickin A.
Back to the job..
The way it looks when I was searching is that I'm going to be saying, "Do you want fries with that?", and if that be the case then I won't get a job. God bless the fast food workers of this country, but I cannot do that. I cannot work with food. It hate being around it for a long period of time because it will literally make me sick.
I know God will provide me a good job, and I'm trusting that He will, but right now I'm a little disgusted. Nothing seems to be working out. Nothing. Zilch. Zippo.
Everything has it's season, blah blah blah. Whatever. I'm so tired of everything. The more I try the more things seem to fall apart. They've got to make a turn around soon, because if not they're headed straight into a brick wall.
I might as well go now. I've complained enough for all eternity.
If you decide to love me you could say a prayer for me. Much prayers are needed right now. Stress is kicking in majorly.
So, I want to thank everyone for their thoughts and prayers reguarding my previous entry. Things seem to be going a lot better than last night.
My sister ended up getting to go home last night. She's doing a lot better. She's actually able to move more, although it's at a slow pace. I don't think she's bleeding anymore, and I think she's at peace with the loss of the baby. She's staying at our dad's house. Her boyfriend never called to check on her. He never came back by the hospital. He never did anything but not care, so she called him today and said she'll be there soon to get her stuff and leave. He said okay. What a.. nevermind, I don't use that sort of language.
Be like Jesus; that's what I keep telling myself.
WWJD
Last night I started blaming myself for the baby dying, and I still could have a slight reason to. See, she called and asked me to take her to the hospital, and I said that I couldn't. I figured she was "Crying Wolf" again, because she's done it so many times reguarding relationship issues. She asks me to come get her, I do, and then before I get there she has changed her mind and wants to stay. I live about an hour away from where she was staying, so I was in no mood to have that happen. It turned out to be the worst possible situation.
I started telling myself that maybe if I had taken her and got there sooner that they could have done something to save the baby. After having everyone give me a lecture about it, and telling me that's not the case I decided to just let it go. I know that it's not my fault, but that thought is still going to be in my mind for a while, if not forever.
Last night I was lying in bed and I kept thinking, "I've had a dream about something like this happening. What is it? When did it happen?!" Then I remembered.
A little over a month ago I had the dream. I never knew what it meant until now. In the dream I could see a baby. It was lying on a hospital bed. I could tell that it had passed away, but for some strange reason it was talking to me. I know that sounds completely insane. It's a baby, who clearly couldn't speak, and it was not alive to top it off. It kept telling me, "It's alright. It's going to be okay. I'm fine."
I'm taking this as sort of closure on everything. I know the baby is fine. It was all a part of God's plan. You can call it crazy if you want, but I don't really care. I've had numerous dreams that have actually came to be, so this doesn't come as a surprise to me at all now.
Anyway, I'm tired and I'm sick.
I'm sick because I've been eating fast food after I got myself off of it. It figures, but when you're at the hospital all day you either have the choice of Taco Bueno or hospital food. I was all for Taco Bueno.
Joseph made my night last night. I was upset and called him to talk. After we had both gone to bed he called back just to make sure I was okay. He's too great.
My birthday is tomorrow. In 4 hours I'll be 19. Yay. Except for not. I don't know, I'm not really excited. It's just another day; another year older. Maybe I'll change my mind in the morning.
I think I'm going to go now. I'm tired. I want to watch the rest of American Idol, and then I need to take a shower. Goodnight everyone. Thank you all SO much for your prayers and condolences. I love you all ♥
I just got back from the hospital.
Don't worry, I'm healthy. Nothing is wrong with me. Well, at least health wise. Emotional wise it's a different story.
My sister called at 3 something this afternoon. She was crying so hard, said she was hurting really really bad, and was on her way to the hospital. My aunt and I met her up there.
I ran into the Emergency Room, checked to see if she was in there. She wasn't. I grabbed the "Sign-In Sheet" and began scamming names to see if she was on there. She wasn't. I ran over to the admittance lady to ask if she was there. She was. I ran back to the hospital area and could hear her. She was crying hysterically and screaming in pain.
The first things I heard were, "I lost the baby."
My sister had a miscarriage.
We didn't even know she was pregnant.
The baby was 4 1/2 months along.
All I could do was hold her and tell her it was going to be okay. I may have lied. I wasn't sure that it was going to be okay. My aunt couldn't take it, got sick to her stomach, and walked out. After I got her calmed down I put my head on her bed railing and let her explain to me what happened. All I could do was fight back tears. I had to look away a few times. I was supposed to be the strong one. She didn't need to say me cry. It could have upset her more.
She said that last night it was raining really hard, which is true. Her and her boyfriend are staying in an RV, and it was leaking. They had to put a tarp on the roof of it so they could actually stay in it. She's really short, even shorter than I am, so she decided to stand on the side of the truck to throw it over the top of the RV. When she did that she slipped and fell on her stomach, thus killing the baby.
Needless to say I'm very upset. I didn't even know she was pregnant, yet I'm still hurting. Why? Because not only was it a baby, but it was my niece or nephew.
I sat with her the whole time except for the times they made me leave because they were examining her certain areas that I didn't care to see. I was with her when the baby came out.
The doctors came in to examine her again, then came out. I could hear them talking. One of them said, "She passed her hemmorage." It took all that I had to not walk up to her and punch her in the face. Hemmorage?! HEMMORAGE?! It was not a hemmorage. It was a baby. My niece or nephew. A baby.
I came back in and the baby was in the sink.
They just left it in the sink.
*sigh*
I'm just really.. I don't know. I feel so drained. I'm upset.
We left the hospital at 8 p.m and got home a little while ago. I don't know if they're keeping her. Her mom is with her now. They're supposed to call and let us know.
Please pray for her health, safety, and emotional state. They had to give her a shot to make her stop bleeding, and then they're concerned about her losing large amounts of blood. I know she's distraught.
I apologize for my lack of leaving comments/notes. I've been way busy.
I have news!
I am no longer studying.
I've quit studying,
but I guess that's what happens when you get your degree.
Yes, that's right. I got my degree! I am SO excited and SO happy. That chapter of my life is finally over and I can move onto something greater; something better; something that will be a career. I couldn't be happier.
I haven't decided what the next step in education for me is. Tomorrow I'm going to the library with a few friends to do some research on it. We all might end up going to school together over the summer and into next year. I'm not so sure though. I kind of want to either go to PCI to get my degree in Medical Assisting or Medical Office Assisting. That's what I'm sort of leaning into. Who knows?
I bought two new books today. One is called "A Woman After God's Own Heart", and the other is called "Beautiful In God's Eyes". "A Woman After God's Own Heart" fits me so well. Long ago I told God that I wanted to marry a man like David; a man after God's own heart. You can't be unequally yolked, so it's only right that I'm the same way so we relate spiritually. I struggle with self-esteem issues and strive to be the woman that Proverbs 31 speaks of, and that's what "Beautiful In God's Eyes" is about. I'm really excited about reading them. I can feel a deeper spiritual growth birthing.
So, I just got a text message and a phone call from Audra. She asked if I would be okay with ministering "We speak to nations" on Sunday morning. I told her that I think it would be perfect.
She then called me and told me about what happened to her in Chapel today. They have been praying for nations. The nations they've been praying for are the exact ones we've been doing in this group I'm in. She had no idea what I've been praying and intercessing for these nations. I had no idea what she had been doing the same thing.
God is truly going to do something amazing this year. I believe that His spirit will begin to get poured out onto the nations of this world. Just watch and you'll see. His spirit will be so strong in places that you would have never thought it would be, such as Nepal, China, Saudi Arabia, etc.
Earlier today God showed me that I am a missionary. Granted, I'm not one that travels outside of the United States to foreign countries to tell of the good news, I am a missionary for foreign countries. I intercess for them. I lift them up before God. My mission in that is for everyone in each of those countries to see and hear the good news, and apply it to their lives.
God is so good.
He's so good to me.
My brother and nieces are coming in about 2 weeks so he can fix my car and I can spend time with my nieces. I miss them so much. I miss him. I wish I could see them more often. To be so close when we were kids we've really grown apart. I miss how things used to be with him. I know we can't go out on adventures through the woods and forest, or explore the creeks and canyons and be chased by water moccasins and pitbulls anymore, but we can share the adventure that we're both going through right now; life. We've grown up so much, and so much has changed. We need to share each other's adventure. We need to share our lives.
Bah,
I need to go now. I have to clean, cook dinner, and take a shower. See you all later, Loves!
God Bless!
I may never climb a mountain so I can see the world from there. I may never ride the waves and taste the salty ocean air, or build a bridge that'll last a hundred years. But no matter where the road leads one thing is always clear.
I am blessed.
I am blessed from when I rise up in the morning until I lay my head to rest. I feel You near me. You soothe me when I'm weary. Oh, Lord, for all the worst and all the best, I am blessed.
All along the road less traveled I have crawled and I have run. I have wandered through the wind and rain until I found the sun. The watching eyes ask me why I walk this narrow way. I will gladly give the reason for the hope I have today.
Someone asked me what I did for Valentines Day, and I responded by telling them that I had a fantastic session of love making with God.
Valentines Day was truly amazing.
Though feelings come and go, some find their way back and forth in this pattern of love, I'll always have the safety of knowing that the keeper of my heart will never break it or throw it away.
My Valentine is Jesus, and He gave me the best gift that anyone can give. He gave His life. He gave me His everything. And I gave Him my life. I gave him my everything.
He is my everything.
He lets me cry on His shoulder, and holds me until it's over. He rescues me every time. His arms are my shelter; my hiding place forever. He loves me more than life.
Jesus is my all-time Valentine.
Father, can you hear me? I need your love today. I know that you're with me. You hear me every day. Father, please here me and I will be okay. Father, I need you to heal me today.
Father, can you hear me? I'm calling on Your name, not Buddah nor Muhammad, but it's JESUS I cry outloud. Father, please forgive me and hear me when I say I'll give you everything; my life and soul today.
Father, you know I need You. I've never felt so much pain. I have the faith for now, and Your victory I will gain. Father, You know I mean it. There's no more heart of stone.
Here I am.. everything that I have and everything that I am I'm laying down at your feet. I'm giving you this burden that I've now carried for too long. I don't want it. I can't take it anymore.
I'm through with questioning your love for me. I'm through worrying about the past. I can't worry about the future. I can only worry about now. The only thing in the future I need to worry about is my eternity with you, and I'm making sure that it's set right now.
Father, please forgive me for everything that I've done. I've sinned repeatidly. I know this and I'm sorry. I've broken your heart numerous times, I am sure of. I'm through with everything that I was. I'm giving up everything that my flesh desires, and I'm running to you.
I know that I need to change my attitude. Something seemed to have grasped my life for a while and I didn't know who the person was that I became. I was bitter, hateful, mean, and not the person that You created me to be.
I've lived for the world and I've seen the truth behind everything. I've seen the truth that You hold, and I hunger for you. My soul cries out to You the living God. I've tasted. I've seen. I want more. Here's my cup, fill it up, make it overflowing is not an exaggeration. I want to drown in You. I want to be captivated by your prescence. I have a hunger so deep for You that I don't think I can contain myself.
I'm so tired of everything that this world has to offer. From here on out You are my world. I am based around you. Through the fire and through the fight. Through the peril of the night I will trust You for the promise spoken over me. There is nothing left to hide. This is my surrendered life. I have left behind all else to follow only You.
You set me. You lit me. I'm on fire. What a beautiful site to see, I'm on a fire. Until my light is burning bright I'm going to lift Your name and let this flame get higher. I'm not taking any of the glory. I don't want the fame. The only thing I want is to be branded with Your name.
I'm through trying to live up to the dreams that I have. I'm finished with thinking everything that I could do for You. I know there are numerous things that I can do, but they're out of my mind. From now on I'm doing what You want me to do. It's all for You.
Place Your seal over my heart and over my eyes that I may only long for You and long to seek You all of the days of my life.
You are my husband. I am Your bride. Together our hearts are eternally entwined.
I thank you for the many blessings that You've bestowed upon me, and I am forever grateful for Your unfailing love, grace, mercy, for loving me for who I am, and forgiving me of every sin.
I love you!
In the name of Jesus,
-Your Eternal Servant, Erika
Bravenet Blog 
Blog Community
Get a Free Blog
Manage your Blog
Oh well...just dropped in to see how things have been going.
bravenet.com