My sister ended up getting to go home last night. She's doing a lot better. She's actually able to move more, although it's at a slow pace. I don't think she's bleeding anymore, and I think she's at peace with the loss of the baby. She's staying at our dad's house. Her boyfriend never called to check on her. He never came back by the hospital. He never did anything but not care, so she called him today and said she'll be there soon to get her stuff and leave. He said okay. What a.. nevermind, I don't use that sort of language.

Be like Jesus; that's what I keep telling myself.
WWJD

Last night I started blaming myself for the baby dying, and I still could have a slight reason to. See, she called and asked me to take her to the hospital, and I said that I couldn't. I figured she was "Crying Wolf" again, because she's done it so many times reguarding relationship issues. She asks me to come get her, I do, and then before I get there she has changed her mind and wants to stay. I live about an hour away from where she was staying, so I was in no mood to have that happen. It turned out to be the worst possible situation.

I started telling myself that maybe if I had taken her and got there sooner that they could have done something to save the baby. After having everyone give me a lecture about it, and telling me that's not the case I decided to just let it go. I know that it's not my fault, but that thought is still going to be in my mind for a while, if not forever.

Last night I was lying in bed and I kept thinking, "I've had a dream about something like this happening. What is it? When did it happen?!" Then I remembered.

A little over a month ago I had the dream. I never knew what it meant until now. In the dream I could see a baby. It was lying on a hospital bed. I could tell that it had passed away, but for some strange reason it was talking to me. I know that sounds completely insane. It's a baby, who clearly couldn't speak, and it was not alive to top it off. It kept telling me, "It's alright. It's going to be okay. I'm fine."

I'm taking this as sort of closure on everything. I know the baby is fine. It was all a part of God's plan. You can call it crazy if you want, but I don't really care. I've had numerous dreams that have actually came to be, so this doesn't come as a surprise to me at all now.

Anyway, I'm tired and I'm sick.

I'm sick because I've been eating fast food after I got myself off of it. It figures, but when you're at the hospital all day you either have the choice of Taco Bueno or hospital food. I was all for Taco Bueno.

Joseph made my night last night. I was upset and called him to talk. After we had both gone to bed he called back just to make sure I was okay. He's too great.

My birthday is tomorrow. In 4 hours I'll be 19. Yay. Except for not. I don't know, I'm not really excited. It's just another day; another year older. Maybe I'll change my mind in the morning.

I think I'm going to go now. I'm tired. I want to watch the rest of American Idol, and then I need to take a shower. Goodnight everyone. Thank you all SO much for your prayers and condolences. I love you all ♥